The Realities of Wedding Night Sex: What Every Couple Should Know MMW 175
Sex on your wedding night and the expectations vs reality of it.
It's important we emphasise the fact that not all couples have sex on their wedding night and that weddings can be exhausting and emotional, and it's okay to prioritise rest and relaxation over sex.
Having open communication about expectations for the wedding night beforehand will help avoid any disappointment.
In this episode Yvette shares her personal experience of her wedding night, where her husband fell asleep after having a couple of drinks while she was taking out the bobby pins from her hair.
It's important to normalise different experiences and not feel pressured to uphold to society's expectations. Whatever happens on your wedding night definitely does not dictate what your future will look like.
**To read the complete transcript, please scroll down to the bottom of this page.
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Listen, I'm doing a very different type of episode for me this week, definitely something I have never touched on before, and that is sex on your wedding night and the reality of wedding night sex and what every couple should know. I feel like it's a topic I should share. It got crazy amounts of different types of conversations happening on Instagram a few weeks back when I brought up this topic. I thought it was something I should come on and talk about because I feel it's really important to normalize the fact that not all couples have sex on their wedding night, quite frankly. You know, we see in movies these crazy, hot first-night type things on the wedding night and all that, and the reality is probably not quite like that because it's expectations versus reality. Many couples have that preconceived notion that they must have sex on their wedding night, and that firstly can create a lot of pressure and anxiety. And that, in the end, can lead to disappointment if it doesn't happen. It's really important to understand that weddings can be exhausting and emotional, and it's okay to prioritize rest and relaxation over having sex. You might be so tired that it's probably not even meaningful as well. Some people listening to this may only be religious and might be thinking, "Well, it's going to be the first time ever for me, and we've waited." That's so beautiful that you have done that, but you still should not feel pressure on that night. You might be like, "Oh, I'm really curious. Let's do this." But you might also be really tired. So, as I said, expectation versus reality is very important to know. I also think it's super important to have communication about this. It's important for you to communicate openly and honestly about your expectations for the wedding night. If one partner doesn't think it's right or doesn't feel comfortable or fears that they're going to be judged because they don't want to, because they're tired or whatever, it's okay to communicate those things beforehand instead of having to address them on the night if you think that's what you need. What I really want to talk about mostly is the fact that the wedding day is tiring and long. It just feels so long and exhausting. Often, we've had a lot to do in the lead-up. We've had a lot of planning, and along with that comes a lot of stress, family issues, and all the rest of it, and lots of decisions. Then you get to the wedding day, and it's totally exhausting. I talked in my Instagram stories about what happened on my wedding night. Not everyone is on Instagram and in my stories, so I want to share that here to give you an example of my wedding night and what happened. I'm not religious, so we didn't wait until we got married. But it was not how I expected my wedding night to turn out. We came back from the wedding. We were pretty exhausted, and we had a bottle of champagne in the fridge that we wanted to drink when we got back to our hotel room together and just enjoy being married as a couple. I went to pour it; I think my husband popped it and poured it, and we wanted to drink it together on the balcony because we had this beautiful ocean view. I went into the bathroom, and I honestly had that many bobby pins in my hair like so many bobby pins, it was out of control. And I needed to get them out because my head was hurting and it wasn't big. Like I could sleep I could have slept in it but they were just hurting and I just felt like I needed to release my hair. But there was so many. Anyway by the time I pulled out all those bobby pins my hair husband, my new husband was asleep. Like literally asleep. So here I am with this glass of champagne because I was kind of like sipping it while I was taking all my pins out of my hair. And my husband's asleep. So I went out on the balcony, on my own, and I sat there and it would have been our it was probably one day. And by this time, I can't remember the exact time, but I'm pretty sure it was pretty pretty, like maybe 130 or two o'clock. And I enjoyed the movie on my own and just, you know, relished in the memories of what the day had been. And just, I was so happy, and I was so high on life, and I didn't actually care that he fell asleep like it, it didn't matter. And it wasn't because we planned on having sex, like literally, we had planned on sitting on the balcony together and just enjoying the moment together. But yeah, I took too long, and when they do like to fall asleep after they've had a couple of beers, and some red wine, so that was our night. And that is totally okay. Like, do not feel that you have to uphold to what society thinks and what society society says. Because that is just not like, not what it is at all. I think it's really important that we normalise different experiences, it's really important to acknowledge that every couple's wedding night is going to be different. Some couples may choose to have sex, while others may not. You know, both experiences are completely normal and completely valid. I actually every time I say the word sex, I'm kind of like squirming in my seat. And I don't know why. I think because it's just something I've like never talked about before on the podcast, and I'm not really used to it. So every time I say it, I'm Oh, is this out of line is this out of line. So I apologise if this is not a topic you wanted to listen to or talk about, you do not have to listen to this. But I just thought it was really important to share this because as I said, we seem to live in a society these days, where everyone thinks it's okay to have an opinion, and be judgy. And uphold to what society's expects. But it's not like that at all. And you know what, you kind of wake up the next day, and you're going to be husband and wife or husband and husband and wife and wife for the rest of your life. So it truly does not matter. And you know what, the next morning? You know, yeah, you've had a rest and you feel better. So that might be perfect for you. You have to do you and you have to do what is right. And every single situation is normal, there is not one that's right or wrong. But all normal and all okay, you know, do what feels right for you and your partner, rather than comparing yourselves to others, and be comfortable and happy with your choice and your experience. And however that is. I just think it's just super important, you know, to also realise that whatever happens on the wedding night isn't the decider of the future. You know, I have been married to my husband now for nine and a half years, nearly half, nine, it was nine years in January. And it's now nearly made. Actually, when this episode comes out, we'll probably be made. Yes. And we have the most fabulous marriage and relationship like we have such great communication, we are so in love when we are so happy. So it is not a cause for concern about the future of your relationship. Basically what happens on your wedding night, I just want to say that I think that that is really, really important. And just, it's tiring, the wedding planning is tiring. And I don't we never deny that I never make it out to be and I think, uh, you know, it's easy and fabulous. It's time consuming. Unless you do have the camera planner, it will be much easier and less stressful. But even no matter what tool you have, even the camera planets still timely, right? And I think once the wedding is here, we're like, Oh, it's here. You know, that feeling and that emotion and the thought then of like staying up late and having sex with your partner in the wedding night can just be like overwhelming for one and just exhausting the actual thought of it. So yeah, don't don't feel like there's any Right? Or there's any wrong, just do you. Do you do your partner? Do what makes you both happy. And you know what, that will be the right decision. And you will both be happy for the rest of your lives basically. So yeah, that's all I wanted to say on this topic. I cannot believe the amount of people that wanted to talk about this topic. On Instagram. It was crazy the comments I was getting and people sharing their experiences and the only people, most of the people that said oh, we definitely did were people that had waited until their wedding night and that that's totally understandable. That's totally fair enough. You know, Curiosity was getting the better of them of course. But go with your heart, go with your gut, go with your religion, do what's right, do what culturally you need to do. Whatever is right is completely 100% Normal. So yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. Don't put a pressure on yourselves. If you're worried about what your partner might think. Get them to listen to this episode. Let them to listen to it and tell them it's okay if it does or does not happen. So that's it for now. I hope your planning is going well please, if you ever want to see my interesting contract increment controversial conversations on Instagram and my planning tips, please come and see me at manage my wedding. And I would love to chat with you in the DMS and say hello, and until next time, enjoy being engaged and staying stress free and organised while planning the wedding of your dreams.